There is no Such Thing As An Adult Conversation In Front Of Children
A few weeks ago I was running through social-media websites trying to find something to pass the few minutes I had to myself in order to fuel my constant feeling of wasting my time and uselessness. Typical self-sabotage type of situation. While scrolling through Facebook I saw a post of another parent which was venting about her children constantly attempting to join in on her “adult conversations.”
At first I moved past it without comment; I understand that people need to vent without being lectured or scolded, we all do. However a few days later I saw the same post but with twenty if not thirty replies from other parents all piling on. A recurring theme I noticed was this idea of a “private conversation” in the presence of a third party. It was then that I realized we had stumbled onto one of those infamous double standards where parents treat children at a much higher standard than they do adults. Let me explain.
Imagine you are at a get together and you are in a room of people whom you all know. You are having a conversation with one person and another people, who was within earshot, decides to chime into the conversation and contribute. Would you turn to this new person and childishly tell them it was an “A-B conversation and they could C their way out of it” like a school-yard bully? You might, I guess, if you are that kind of person. But you’d hopefully be more inclined to listen to what they have to say and respond in kind. That is how humans communicate and it is a normal flow of conversation.
But for reasons that escape logic when a child does the same thing that adult did, we get annoyed by it and lash out.
It is likely that you’ve at some point in your life said the sentence, “This is an adult conversation” and I am here to tell you that “adult conversations” don’t exist if a child can hear them. If you are holding a conversation where another person can hear it and that person knows the people in the conversation it is socially acceptable for said person to join the conversation. Likewise, it is silly to assume that your child isn’t listening because they are, they always are.
Now I know there are some people reading this who are going to say it isn’t the butting in that bugs them but the fact that the butting in is rarely on topic or is so far removed from the topic is be alien in nature. I get that but lets go back to the party example. Would you tell that person to beat dirt or would you give them a quick catch-up? I would opt for the latter.
I feel like this is obvious but it is something I find myself in constant need of reminding of: your child is learning from you. When you shutdown a child joining a conversation — or attempt to create a conversation in which they aren’t welcome — you are teaching them that that is how adults interact. Think back to the party example and how the person attempting to join the conversation was treated. How would you want your child to treat them? Set that example and set it consistently. For their sake and for yours.
